Do the Bus Stop By Anthony J. Langford

backhand stories the creative writing blog

The bus stop is her stage.

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Her school associates, the audience.

Any passers-by get a free showing.

7.55 a.m.

It’s her time.

Standing on the lip of the gutter, she pouts, she spouts, gibberish, about herself, what else is there, but she knows it doesn’t matter what she says, as long as they look.

And they do.

Her friends divided. The Green-Eyed Camp.

And the Wannabe like her Popular Camp.

But it’s the boys who bestow her with the most power. While the geeks don’t have the courage to peek, and those with no chance give her no glance, the majority stare at her perfect legs and the way in which she swivels, as she helps her skirt to rise and fall, like Marilyn Monroe, once before.

7.57 a.m.

Seems to be more and more adults going to work at this time.

Funny how they’re mostly male.

She bends forward; allowing her somewhat propped up cleavage to shine.

She’s outrageous, but wants them to think, ‘she’s mine’.

7.58 a.m.

It’s her time.

And she loves it.

So does the bus driver.

Ogling, he pulls in too quickly and the side mirror smacks her in the head.
Gunk sprays the audience.

She goes down like lead.

Silence, for once.

Today, there’ll be no Curtain Call.

7.58 a.m.

It was her time after all.

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  • AB

    Wow, I love the twist at the end, I did not see that coming!

  • pat

    A Great story that ties right into a memory of mime.
    I remember a couple of girls who where very much like this. They were waiting for the bus to their school as I walked by, on the way to mine. I can still see them (in my mind’s eye) and smell the perfume.

  • Truly horrific, who was this girl? I must know more. I demand a prequel!!!

  • Gosh. Dark. To the point.
    I like.

  • A seriously cool twist. Made me jolt literraly in me seat! Great imagery. I could see the whole thing play out in front of me. Well done!

  • Alisa

    Good story. I especially liked the twist ending and like the first commenter I didn’t see it coming either. A very nice, dark, little tale!!

  • sienna

    loved this alot, well done!

  • Thank you all for your great comments.
    For more of my stories, poems, videos etc, please visit http://www.anthonyjlangford.com
    =]

  • bob squire

    I really liked the shocking twist at the end! Made me think about the story a lot more. Very well written 🙂

  • Gina

    Good imagery Anthony! I had to read this 3 times just so I really got what your intention was. My first reading, it was all confused, WTF was it all about? My second reading, a lot slower than first time, it started to emerge. The 3rd reading, I saw it. It’s a different style of writing I’m not used to. Clever, descriptive, visual strength, and the twist in the end, come from the blue. I did not expect it! Very impressed, Anthony.

    Gina

  • Ayela

    Great story very clever and well written – must be very hard to capture a story in such a short amount of words shows great talent.

  • Karen

    I loved it! When I began reading, I thought, “I think I know her,” but then splat. Nope, not her. 🙂

  • Dolly Shannon

    I agree very descriptive!Gives a perfect visual!

  • Arielle

    Beautiful! Very detailed in your description, it created great imagery! I especially loved the last two lines because they rhymed and it reminded me of Shakespeare’s couplet. I also loved the time line, what a fantastic idea! Good work! Keep these stories coming 🙂

  • Helen Egan

    Very well written, ah youth its only a memory brings back all those envious moments of observing my fellow students. Was not expecting the end. Very clever.

  • Nat

    Really engaging. Cool. Quirky. Dark. Loved the descriptions of the girl – very vivid but strangely like so many people I know/once knew….depending on whether they fell foul of the same fate!

  • Cassandra

    Loved it! I wondered how many different variations of the climactic line “Gunk sprays the audience” you considered before you settled this version. I like that you found a way to describe an extremely gruesome ending in a sort of “light-hearted” way 🙂 The whole thing was very clever.

  • Congrats Anthony,

    on your very original poem with a great twist at the end. Well done !

  • No wonder why they say all god things come to end so soon… so soon

  • gingerpappy

    interesting spin at the end my man. abit dissapointed that she didnt get the ride though. maybe she should of taken the train.

  • deepa.k.r

    A BEAUTIFUL SHORT FICTION FLOWED LIKE A STREAM FROM STARTING TO ENDING.BEST WISHES AND GOOD LUCK!

  • fabfourpeter

    Great little story, very imaginative just like dr who

  • I’m totally overwhelmed by your comments. Thank you so much. 🙂 Glad you’ve all got a good, though similarly depraved sense of humour. 😉

  • Ronnie

    I was waiting for the erotic to happen then like a smack across the head it ended with shock and awe !
    Well written and imaginative.
    Good work.

  • Margie

    bus travel has now taken on a new meaning .!
    I must cover up , in case my time is up !

    L ove the concept of the girl being on a stage. very clever

    A word along with many more words tells us a story which can make us laugh , cry, reflect, feel many different emotions.
    A person who can put words together in such a way that makes us feel such emotions is a true artist , a true talent

    YOU ARE ONE OF THESE . CONGRATULATIONS

  • This is wonderful, Anthony. It’s amusing, bouncy, fun, yet with a dark, sad edge.
    Keep churning these gems out. You’re finally getting the audience and kudos you’ve been deserving.
    xoRobyn

  • Wow, I totally didn’t expect that ending! That was amazing. I like the way your metaphor begins as a slightly cheeky twist on “all the world’s a stage” and all that, but then transfigures into this darker, twisted image where the curtain call is death! Very original.

  • Graham Clements

    The twist had me chuckling. Where was that bus when I was a kid?

  • I had to read this twice to get it. Really powerful and shocking. Loved it. Can’t wait to read more.

  • Minnie

    I loved this! Great structure, tone, imagery and twist at the end. A good story in a few sentences. I used to write ALL the time as a teenager and got a lot of praise from English teachers but I haven’t written properly in years. It’s like I don’t know how anymore.

  • pat

    Very good! I could see it all unfolding in my mind’s eye. Loved it…

  • I’m very moved by all your comments. It’s really fantastic and more than I could have hoped for. Thank you all. 🙂

  • Bianca

    Nice! I shared your story on my Facebook page: I wrote a book. You too?

  • Bookworm66

    Wow, I really loved this. I myself am writing a novel and i got alot of editing ideas from your story.

  • It’s creepy, yet amazing. Keep it up!

  • left out to dry

    Can I use your idea I love it. I am writing my own story but mine is weirder. nice twist can i see the next bit?

  • Shawn

    Gosh, you are one fine writer and this is one wonderful story.

  • rabi

    mind blowing

  • Anastasia Hatzigeorgiou

    Beautifully done! Irony! I love it!

  • DMO

    Nicely done! I really like this story!