Backhand Stories: The Creative Writing Blog

I tried to explain, but I couldn’t.

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You looked at me.

A train careered through the cerebral station. The words, who until that point had been waiting patiently in line, were too close to the edge. Sucked into the air stream and crushed unceremoniously beneath the grinding, metallic wheels.

Damn.

I tried to explain, but I couldn’t.

You spoke to me.

I grasped at your words, snatching them from the balmy air, desperately trying to take them and assemble them for my own, personal use. But in the confusion they slipped through my fingers. Gone.

Shit.

I tried to explain, but I couldn’t.

You touched my hand.

Hazy, shimmering shoals of adjectives swam into my consciousness. Excitedly, I caught one and held it close. At last! But it wriggled free and shot off into the abyss.

Fuck.

I tried to explain, but I couldn’t.

You turned away.

Clarity came hurtling out of the darkness, crashing into my vocabulary with force of a Pacific tsunami. There were the words I’d been longing for, ready now, poised for action.

I love you!

Too late.

I did try to explain, but I couldn’t.

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  • Mekenzie

    What wonderful use of varied sentence lengths. Heart rendering, chest clutching agony expressed in the same jerking manner our minds work on. Beautifully abrupt

  • Nice expression…very realistic picture!

  • Very nice piece!!

  • ditto @Mekenzie — really great use of varied sentence lengths. Engaging story. “Clarity came hurtling out of the darkness …” awesome imagery.

  • Ali Noble

    Hey, I liked this piece! Hazy, shimmering shoals of adjectives swam into my consciousness. Excitedly, I caught one and held it close. At last! But it wriggled free and shot off into the abyss. That’s my favourite part.

  • jazzmine

    its really good but it sounds more like a poem than a story to me

  • Really good. Excitedly, I caught one and held it close. At last! But it wriggled free and shot off into the abyss.

  • Looks more like a poem but still very cool

  • Smalls

    You’re beautiful, by James Blunt, flashed into my head when reading this whimsical piece. It wasn’t the only thing that made its way into my mind. All those romantic Nicholas Sparks books and all the movies of train stations, and yet, this short story, poem, or whatever it may be managed to be all of those things and so much more. Needless to say, worth the read.

  • A very poetic prose. I really enjoyed it.

  • Reginald Pointdujour

    It was a bit confusing.

  • Adrian Rivera

    I love the somber tone of this short story. The diction perfectly creates the scenes that they were meant to describe, with seemingly flawless effort. Bravo!

  • Nikolai M

    Great piece! very poetic.

  • Great imagery. The short punchy sentences work really well…use of “shoal” as the collective noun for adjectives was a nice touch! 😀

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  • UJJWAL GHOSH

    Terrific and above all excruciating!The way the feeling is transmitted, is tremendous

  • The raw frustration coming out of this piece is a display of the writers fine skills 🙂

  • shreshtha mishra

    Wow. So well written and expressed!

  • At times inventive and evocative (train careening through cerebral station); at other times a bit cliched (Pacific tsunami). Overall fantastic.

  • Linda Luna

    what is the meaning of this short story. I did not understand any of it.